


you know i'm not afraid as long as you're next to me

by brittyelaine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in Heaven (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Dean Winchester in Heaven, Domestic Fluff, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fluff, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27644738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittyelaine/pseuds/brittyelaine
Summary: But here, he has Cas.  He feels calm.  He has no feeling of cosmic obligation or the feeling that he’s running the clock.  He has everything he’s ever wanted.For the first time, and for the rest of time, Dean Winchester is at peace.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	you know i'm not afraid as long as you're next to me

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of thoughts and feelings to unpack about that episode. But here we are. Have some Heavenly fluff to ease the sting of the end.
> 
> Title is from [In Your Arms by X Ambassadors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7jsd_rNADI)
> 
> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr!](https://brittywritesstuff.tumblr.com/)

Dean takes his time, running his fingers over the banister of the porch. The white paint is chipping and worn down, but the wood, he can tell, is quality. No splinters, no cracking, no warping. It’s nice. He drags in a deep breath, his senses flooding with the scent of pine trees as the warm early-autumn air blows through them. The sky is clear, save for a couple little puffs of cloud here and there. And as his eyes scan the sky, he waits for it -- that impending sense of doom and dread. Even when he’s trying to relax, it’s always there, bubbling beneath the surface. There’s a reason he’s slept with a gun under his pillow for three decades.

But he’s struck with the sudden realization: it’s not there. All he feels is calm and peace. Something he’s never really known.

Well, that’s not true, he silently amends. 

He felt peace with Cas. 

Frowning, Dean drops his head and closes his eyes. _Cas…_ Fuck, he misses him. He misses everything about him. He misses telling Cas jokes that land like a fucking brick in front of him. He misses the tie that’s always askew. He misses that mess of hair. He misses those eyes Dean can, and often has, get lost in. He misses that trench coat. He misses Cas, plain and simple. And while he feels calm and peaceful here… it does feel like a piece of him is missing. It’s probably not supposed to. Not here. But it does. 

It’s comforting to know he escaped the torment of the Empty… but, “Damn it, Cas,” he breathes, wrapping both hands around the banister.

“Hello, Dean.”

Standing suddenly, Dean opens his eyes and whips around. Cas is standing beside the battered screen door, smiling warmly at Dean. “Cas,” he breathes, his eyes wide as he looks him over, like he’s taking inventory of all his favorite things. Messy hair, check; crooked tie, check; trench coat, check; breathtaking eyes, check… Cas, check. “It’s--”

“Yes,” Cas nods. “It’s me.”

Dean surges forward, throwing his arms around him in a crushing hug. He buries his face against Cas’s neck and closes his eyes, breathing him in. It’s another thing he’d previously forgotten to add to his list of things he missed. That clean, earthy smell that was somehow _distinctly_ Castiel. 

When he pulls away, his hand slips down Cas’s arm to his hand, his thumb brushing the inside of Cas’s wrist. He heaves a breath, the line between his brows deepening. “You’re a dick, you know that?” He says suddenly.

Cas blinks in surprise and tilts his head. “I-- what?”  
Dean purses his lips and shakes his head. “You drop somethin’ like that on me and then just fuck off to the netherworld?”

“I wasn’t in the Netherworld, I was--”

“In the Empty, whatever. You’re still a dick.”

Cas lifts his eyes to the ceiling of the porch, as if the answer to Dean’s outburst is written there. “I still don’t underst--”

“You drop that on me and then you die, and you didn’t give me a chance to say anything.”

“I didn’t think there was anything for you to say.”

Dean scoffs, incredulous. Didn’t think there was anything for him to say? “What show have you been watching, huh?”

“I haven’t been watching television.”

Though outwardly, Dean appears frustrated, he fucking missed this. But something suddenly occurs to him. “Wait.” He shakes his head, those lines between his brows growing deeper. “You really didn’t think I’d have somethin’ to say? You didn’t think I--”

“Reciprocated?” Cas says. He frowns, casting his glance downward. “No, Dean. I didn’t.”

“Well you’re dead wrong.”

One corner of Cas’s lips turn up in a smirk. “I believe we’re both deceased now.”

Scoffing, Dean’s eyebrows shoot up. “Did you just make a joke?”

“Yes,” Cas’s smile widens, “I believe I did.” 

“Alright, listen.” Dean grasps the back of Cas’s neck, his fingers brushing up into his hair. There’s no sense of fear or uncertainty welling up inside of him anymore. He’s in Heaven. He gets what he wants. There’s no fear of judgment or self-sacrifice anymore. He’s just gonna fucking go for it. “I love you, Cas. I shoulda said somethin’ a long time ago, but I-I-I was scared, okay? I’m sorry. But--” He cuts himself off and glances out over the farmhouse’s property; the sprawling lawn (that he can’t wait to mow) surrounded by lush trees; the path that leads to the garage that houses Baby. The house he’s always imagined for himself, but always knew wasn’t a possibility. “This is about havin’ peace, right?” His gaze turns back to Cas’s, and he swallows the emotion rising in his throat. “We get forever here.”

“That is the idea, yes.”

Dean licks his lips and takes a step closer. His shoes bump Cas’s, and his hands slips further into the back of Cas’s hair. “Then that means I get forever with you, right?” 

Cas is smiling, and he pulls his free hand out of the coat pocket. He grabs a fistful of Dean’s jacket and Dean watches his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallows, Cas’s eyes roaming Dean’s face. “Of course, Dean.”

Dean breathes out in relief. All at once, that feeling that a puzzle piece was askew; the feeling that something was missing dissipates. Forty-one years of sacrifice and loss earned him this: a life of peace with the love of his life -- the love that had come _completely_ out of left field and left him breathless. Forty-one years of sacrifice and loneliness and loss earned him the love of a millennia-old angel who thought he was worth something. Worth _everything._

He kisses Cas then. It’s soft and slow and gentle. There’s no sense of urgency or fear or desperation behind it. It’s being lovingly handed what he’s always wanted; what he’d always been missing. And, well… he’s in Heaven, so that makes a whole lot of sense. 

When they part, Dean keeps his forehead against Cas’s, and they’re both smiling. Finally, Dean rocks back enough to meet Cas’s eyes. He tips his head toward the house and raises a brow. “Wanna come in. Stay a while?” He presses his lips together and shrugs. “I’m thinkin’ maybe forever?”

“I’d like nothing more.” Cas smiles, and Dean feels warmth flooding his chest. In Cas’s smile, Dean feels content. He feels like he’s _home._ He’s waited his whole life to feel like this. He tried, with Lisa and Ben, but that piece of the puzzle just wasn’t there. He tried with the Bunker, and while he loved that place… there was always just _something_ not quite right. But here, he has Cas. He feels calm. He has no feeling of cosmic obligation or the feeling that he’s running the clock. He has everything he’s ever wanted. 

For the first time, and for the rest of time, Dean Winchester is at peace.


End file.
